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I don’t see Iceage again until we’re back in New York the next day, where I mention to Rønnenfelt that it feels nice to be home after a dreary night in Baltimore.“You’ve only been gone for one day,” he reminds me curtly, presumably at least partially aware that my travel experience was made stressful because I was attempting to get a notoriously divisive punk band to open up. “New York’s not great.”We’re huddled-up in the backstage area of The Bowery Ballroom: all of Iceage, Younger, plus a punk kid called Speedboat from California, who the band invited along on tour after they learned he’d hardly ever been away from home.

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That’s because your mutual friends would give the guy a hard time if he simply ditched you, or because knowing he’ll have to face you at the office forces the guy to end things at least somewhat amicably.

The night before he leaves for tour, Elias Bender Rønnenfelt is sitting in a bar in Manhattan, drinking white wine.

The other three members of his band, Iceage, are sipping on assorted cocktails and sharing booth space with a few representatives from their New York record label, Matador.

Without some level of personal or social accountability, the guy can disappear without getting any grief for it.

But the truth is, it’s really the fault of the phantom, and there are certain personality types that are more inclined to ghost, such as narcissists and commitment-phobes—particularly ones who like the “reeling in” process. However tempted you may be to reach out and find out what the heck happened or just to give him an earful, if you’ve already called or texted once (OK, twice) without a response—stop.

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