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A walking Walking Dead walker with the rotting, fetid stench of seasons five through seven seeping through every cell of your corporeal body. You are to be psychologically and conceptually quarantined. I curse you with every elemental fiber of my being. You are not a part of the legitimate discourse of a civil society. For the stench of hair spike semi-employed wank-tool pawing pooch suckle thigh innocence rends the power chords, riffs into dissonance, and transcends into the sublime.

From Shemga’s chumptastic head tilt to Sophia’s doe eyed vaguely 80s-era Laura San Giacomo luscious Mayan Eye of Coitus, the dialectics of choadal dissonance innovate tonal patterns beyond the everyday fungorgia. This is a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a Travis Barker. Debra Blee’s luscious lasciviousness must be worshiped by a new generation. But that does not mean that someone still does not need to put their foot down about hottie/douchey conflation in our post-hipster manbunned landscape.

It may not be much when dudebros roam the earth with giant beards and youthful communication is primarily done through the semiotics of emojis. Friday, June 17, 2016 If toxic hottie/doucheybaggery were jazz, this would be Billie Holliday’s first performance of “Strange Fruit” crossed with Dave Brubeck’s “Take Five” and finished off by a Django Reinhardt flamenco riff. Furry mustachio twipples wander our post-‘bag landscape like so many brain eating culture zombies. After years of Hottie/Douchey deconstruction I have headed out on other vision quests. I didn’t even know how to attract women and thought that if I wore good enough clothes, styled my hair right and show them how good of a guy I was, they would like me and give me a chance. No one had ever told me that we men need to ACTIVELY make women feel attracted to us based on what we are saying and doing during an interaction.I thought that women felt attracted to men for the same reasons that we feel attracted to women. I didn’t realize that it was possible to make beautiful women feel attracted to me for reasons OTHER than looks, so if they rejected me, I simply assumed, That’s all I knew because I was another brainwashed modern man who believed the junk I saw in TV and magazine advertisements. Let that collective revulsion be your soothing balm in a hottie/douchey world gone increasingly cray cray. For if you and I can both comprehend this neon titty twister of inanity then surely there is shared experience in this dark journey of life.

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