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I should point out that I’m an 18 at this point and happy to use the word fat because I find ‘plus size’ patronising and I mentally think of it as phat instead. I set up these profiles on free online dating site OKCupid.As you can see, both are identical except for the photos and the fact one has ‘overweight’ as body type and the other has ‘thin’.The good news, Nicci, is that all of the answers can be derived from the same exact technique – flipping things over to consider the other person’s point of view.Let’s start with you, because a) you wrote me the note, and b) you’re an online dating anomaly – an honest size 10 who doesn’t claim to be athletic and toned.However, after talking to your male co-workers and observing that you’re not being contacted, you have to be asking yourself – is it REALLY in my best interests to tell the truth if 95% of guys are going to dismiss me for doing so?This is the online dating dilemma that faces MILLIONS of people each day.Markers of spiritual maturity, like depth of character or a willingness to serve, should trump my above average BMI, but very rarely is that the case.

Dating as an overweight woman is significantly more difficult.Over the course of five days, 'fat' Yvette (pictured left) received 18 messages, 74 likes and 81 visits.I have been online dating for about two months and it’s been so-so thus far. I’m 5’3″ and an hourglass-ish size 10, so while I’m not obese, I’m definitely not “athletic and toned.” I chose pictures that I think accurately show this.I hear it in the concerned tones of mentors and parents and friends who repeat phrases like “You’ve got such a pretty face,” and “I know you want to be married someday. ” Every ounce of my being cringes, because they’re probably right. I am talented and opinionated and passionate and valuable.I am good at writing and making jokes and cleaning.




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It inhabits the weird publishing space that is the sort-of-memoir; he did an actual memoir ten years ago, that detailed his father dying, and the time he almost died after being mugged and stabbed, and says he didn’t want to fob off the reader with another one detailing all the things he has done in the last decade. In the first chapter, he writes of his pets that: “maybe it is sad that no human has yet managed it, but these two dogs have tapped reservoirs of love in me that I didn’t know I had.


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But I thought it was an important question, which is why I want to analyze it with you. I made the conscious decision to move on instantly.


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