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You’ll also get the odd comment from racists who just want to tell you how much they don’t like your skin.One of the most telling incidents occured more than a year ago when a friend was using online dating site OKCupid.It might have been down to a variety of reasons, but experience told her that it’s because he didn’t want to date an Indian girl - or, indeed, any girl who was radically different from himself. A new study by OKCupid suggests that such behaviour is more prevelant than ever.The website looked at research from five years ago - which showed most people prefer to date within their own race - and compared it to current data. According to OKCupid, Asian and black men receive fewer messages than white men, while black women receive the fewest messages of all users.The page Douchebags of Grindr features 57 pages of prize gems; screen shots of some of the most direct and exclusionary profiles around. “You’re dealing with people, who are naturally imperfect, you’re going to find those who can prefer a particular race or religion or cup size,” says relationship coach April Masini.Having a certain preference for a certain style isn’t inherently wrong.Online dating apps provide fertile ground for these kinds of appearance-based biases to take root.And that’s starting to spark some very important discussions around dating and identity.

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Black people are standing up and demanding to be seen, and to matter, in ways I have read about in history books, but have never experienced in my lifetime.

Whether we are talking about #themovementforblacklives or #sayhername, as a community we are requiring that our full humanity not only be recognized, but that safe spaces be created for the expression of that full humanity—whether good, bad, or ugly.

Of course, Black folks’ petition to take up space extends to the police who take oaths to serve and protect us, and the political leaders who are responsible for enacting legislation that will hold those who oppress and abuse us responsible, but our demands must also extend to those who claim to love us.

This notion of loving Black people radically is not a new concept, and loving Black people radically means more than just sexing us, partnering with us, or even creating family structures with us.




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That’s a tough question, and the reality is we’ll probably never actually know.